Saturday, February 23, 2013

Arrrrr, grrrr, grrrandma!



Onyx draws our family as pirates (and one mermaid).

Quartz is ambivalent about his science fair project.

My mom came to visit, yay!  We had so much fun I forgot to take pictures most of the time, but here's one of all the kids trying to hide behind grandma and not be in the picture.

Also, Sapphire loves everybody:
And Onyx loves to scare everybody:

Monday, February 11, 2013

It's a Start

I have started and then deleted posts for several days because I may be suffering from a stiff case of writer's block.  Or it may just be a stiff case of laziness.  It's hard to tell.  But, I went to hear Jon Acuff on Thursday (more on that in a minute) and the easiest and hardest piece of advice he had was to "just start."  So.  I'm starting...again.

Anyway, what I'm trying to tell you is that you are just going to have to bear with me.  It's bad- I just had to look up the word bear to see if I was supposed to use bear or bare, because it seemed like bear was a bad way to go unless I was talking about the grizzly sort, but it turns out I was correct and may be suffering some residual brain damage from the weekend.

Have I mentioned I teach English?  Word choice and sentence construction are essential job skills, and now they are also timely topics.  Turns out that the researchers at Match.com did a study and asked men what the most important attributes of a dateable mate were.  Teeth rated number one, using good grammar was number two, and good hair came in at number three.  So, aside from not having Hee Haw teeth, grammar is your number one weapon in the arsenal of love.

There may be hope for humanity.  Though I do think having a "rocking awesome body" rounded out the top five, so maybe not.

And because I am playing fast and loose with grammar, word choice, and life in general, I thought I'd just go through a random list.

1.  My friend's husband died unexpectedly and I went to his wake on Saturday.  I was dreading it.  This is the text I sent Coach in my pre-wake panic:

"I don't want to get up and do this day.  I don't like funerals; they make me very sad.  I've read a book and a half since you left and I can't quit crying.  Saturday may be a wash."

He said "don't go."  But really only because he was terrified I would go in my sweat pants and make a spectacle.  Which I did not.  But it wasn't out of the realm of possibility.

After the wake I sent him this text:

"I am officially telling you in writing that if I die before you, I want to be cremated.  Then you are to put my ashes in a firework to be shot over Neyland Stadium after the first touchdown of the Alabama game.  If we aren't good that year- then maybe Vanderbilt- but it HAS TO BE AN SEC GAME.  I am totally serious about this.  No sense in making things all sad and depressing."

His reply?

"Have you had anything to eat today?"

A couple of things here.  Clearly, I am not planning on dying any time soon because, well, Tennessee has to become markedly better at football in order for my body to be properly disposed.  And yes, you can have yourself shot over the stadium- I've looked into it.  It's happening.  Finally, hunger and thinking aren't a good mix for me, especially if there is an emotionally charged issue for me to ponder.

2.  I stayed in bed Saturday morning before the wake and read Melanie's book, Sparkly Green Earrings.  It made a difficult day much better.  If you have a child or a mother, you need to read the book.  There's a particularly good story about her being 7 months pregnant and locked out of her house in a bikini.  Solid motherhood gold.

3.  Thursday night we went to see Jon Acuff at his very first START Night.  He's written a book called Start.  Which I find hilarious because his last book was entitled Quitter.  And by the way, both are life-changing books.  And he's funny.  So, hearing him and getting an advanced copy of his book was the highlight of the week until...

4.  I met Angie Smith, who is a close friend of Jon Acuff.  I've read her blog since almost the very beginning, and we all know that when you do that you feel like you're totally friends with people whom you've never met.  But she was just as warm and friendly and encouraging as she is on her blog.  So what I'm telling you is that Thursday was a big night, partially because I stayed up until midnight on a school night.

5.  Coach has been invited to compete on a CrossFit team in the CrossFit Games.  I have gotten a little lax on my eating habits this winter.  Since we put in so much hard work getting ourselves back in shape and at healthy weights and because we have put on a few pounds of fluff this winter, we decided to rein things in before they are out of control.

SO.  We're going "hardcore for 24" (as in days) to get ourselves back on track.  If you've never met Coach you can't appreciate this.  The term hardcore is sacred to him.  There is nothing Coach loves more than rigid rules and self-deprivation.  He looked at me last night and said, "We're going to get you in fighting shape, Little Girl."  Experience has taught me that any time he refers to me as "Little Girl" there is usually an ER trip in my future.  So, maybe there will be a good story soon, or maybe The University of Tennessee is about to receive a modest firework donation.  At this point it's a crap shoot.

6.  I just had a girl in class give me the long version of how Katy Perry was bullied because she had large boobs in third grade.  A boy sitting in my room said, "Why would anyone make fun of that?" And 15 minutes later he asked me again, "Seriously, why would anyone make fun of her?"

And I think that is all the proof we need that the Match.com survey is totally bogus.  Grammar don't mean nothing.

See y'all.